


Am I Only Dreaming

by LeastExpected_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-04
Updated: 2002-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26301961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeastExpected_Archivist/pseuds/LeastExpected_Archivist
Summary: By Maria Atilano.Merry finds himself in the Houses of Healing, caught in a horrid dream. and wishing that he could have a second chance with someone.
Relationships: Merry Brandybuck/Pippin Took
Kudos: 3
Collections: Least Expected





	Am I Only Dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Amy Fortuna, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Least Expected](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Least_Expected), which has been offline since 2002. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Least Expected collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/leastexpected/profile).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own either Merry or Pippin. sadly. I'm just borrowing them for a few.  
>  Feedback: Yes, please!  
>  Story Notes: This takes place in Return of the King. So, in other words, don't read unless you've read thus far in the novel. or you'll be very confused. This is actually my first LotR fic AND my first attempt at slash. It's nothing too juicy, but very emotional, so I hope you appreciate it. :)

12/30/01 11:05 PM 

The heat was devouring him, claiming his body and his mind in a vicious torrent of flame. His fevered head lolled from side to side against the shoulder which bore him with each step that the one who held him took. "I'm dying. My body will disintegrate." he thought, gasping for breath through his cracked lips. Yet no matter how his body seemed to burn, a coldness ran up from his right arm, seemingly seizing his heart in a clamp. He couldn't feel his right hand at all, and all the way up to his shoulder the feeling of pricking needles was present. 

A shudder coursed it's way through his body as he remembered the dreadful shriek that the creature had made once his sword had bit deeply into it. It had seemed unreal how he had mustered enough courage to assault the Wraith, which seemed to pierce directly into his heart of hearts, knowing his weaknesses and pulling at him. He had attacked it, and now as he lay limp upon what seemed a rocking ship, he wished with all of his might that he had picked another form of action. 

"He will be all right, won't he Gandalf?" A faraway voice asked from below him. It had come from somewhere back in the land of the living; away from where Merry was headed. Surely it was someone from his funeral possession. His parade towards death. And yet the sound of the voice seemed so familiar and dear to him. 

The thought went through Merry like a volt, making him suddenly aware that he was being carried. Carried through the street in Gandalf's arms as he walked quickly past dark buildings and complete silence. He had not yet passed away. He looked down at the curly head that was bobbing up and down below him. A troubled face turned upwards and Merry found himself staring half lidded at the drawn face of his cousin. The soft brown eyes that looked worriedly into his own were brimming with tears, and as Merry saw the mixture of emotions cross the other hobbit's face, he felt a pang of fear and love. 

"Pippin?" Merry wheezed, barely able to lift his chin off of Gandalf's shoulder. "I..." 

"Be silent, Meriadoc Brandybuck." Gandalf interrupted, patting the young hobbit softly on his head. "You rest, now. We are nearly at our destination." The wizard's hold on Merry shifted as they ascended a flight of steps. 

Pippin must have noticed the confused daze on Merry's face, for he said in faltering voice, "We're at the Houses of Healing, dear Merry." 

Merry's eyes fluttered closed for a moment as a burst of white pain filtered through his body. Healing. There was no use of healing for his torn body. He would be engulfed in the flames before any medicine could take effect. 

The feeling of falling suddenly came upon him and he gasped in fear. No, he wasn't falling but merely being transferred from Gandalf's strong arms into his coffin. 

"Are you going to put the lid on tight?" Merry muttered halfway to himself and halfway to the others in the room. Sheets were pulled over his lower body, and as the soft, almost purring voices of Gandalf and supposedly a woman nurse could be heard, Merry felt himself slipping serenely away into the land of nothingness. 

Something suddenly gripped at his left hand, which was drooping off of the side of the bed towards the ground. Merry's left eye opened just a tiny bit, and he found that Pippin had taken his hand in one of his own, patting it lovingly with the other one. The brown eyes which had long ago been filled with curiosity and merriment now seemed drawn and worrisome as he peered at him. Merry watched as the younger hobbit opened his mouth to say something and then drew back as if he couldn't think of the right words. He instead brought Merry's hand to his mouth and kissed it tenderly, letting a lone tear slip from his eye and land on one of Merry's knuckles. 

Gandalf appeared at Merry's side and looked down at him with a look so strong and commanding that Merry's breath caught in his chest. "Don't you give in, my lad. Don't let it get you." He said, smoothing Merry's hair away from his fevered brow. 

"Alas," Merry breathed, closing his eyes as a wave of numbness came over his entire right side. "It has already claimed me." And he knew nothing but night. 

~ 

He was surrounded by a wrath of grey clouds. His hair flew into his eyes as the wind whipped around him. Hot air, the sort of air that one would expect a dragon to breathe. The clouds lifted in front of him and Merry found himself back in the mines of Moria. The extravagant stone structures loomed over his head, menacing and welcoming all at once. 

As he stood there in wonderment, the ground beneath his feet began to shake. A red fire appeared all too suddenly in front of him. It pulled away as if it was a curtain, and there was the Balrog. It's fiery whip in hand, it's red eyes and horns seeming too, too real. Merry was froze to his spot, the grey clouds still swirling to his sides, only seeming to give way to the horrible site that was staring him in his face. He opened his mouth to scream, to call out for help, as the Balrog began to stalk towards him, it's ugly fire licking it's surroundings as if it was daring Merry to make a move. 

The heat over took him, causing him to whimper. He wanted to fall to his knees and claw his way out of the beast's line of sight but his body stubbornly held him in place. He instead rose his large brown eyes to the monster and watched in horror and amazement as the Balrog seemed to shrink. It was melting, the flames pulling themselves in towards the beast as it gave an awful roar and disappeared in smoke. 

Merry closed his eyes, feeling the sweat pour off of his brow and down his face to mix with his tears. His hands moved from their frozen stupor and held his face as his body wracked with sobs. Then a sudden, hideous cry arose from ahead of him. He reluctantly dropped his hands from his face and rose his eyes to see that the Wraith which Eowyn and he had defeated, steed and all, had risen from the smoke. It arose and cried out again as if calling for a victory. Horrified, Merry took a step back in surprise as the Wraith flew through the air, black against dismal grey, the steed neighing and pawing at the diminishing smoke. 

"No... no." Merry muttered, backing further and further into the clouds behind him until he could no longer see the creature. He clenched his eyes shut as he continually willed his legs to move. With an abrupt gasp he suddenly found that he had backed into a stone wall. He opened his eyes and turned his head from side to side, but the grey clouds covered any possibility of escape. Desperately, he ran his hands as far as they would go along the wall, feeling only cold stone beneath his fingertips. The sounds of the Wraith all of a sudden came to a halt. Through a unexpected silence all Merry could hear was the pounding of his poor heart. 

Ahead of him he could make out the shape of the Wraith slowly riding through the grey cloud. He averted his eyes up, daring not to look into the face of his death. The hot wind circled as the creature advanced, it's hate piercing through Merry's body with such ferocity that Merry's limbs began to shake so hard that his teeth rattled. 

"Please... no." He whispered, the tears escaping from his swollen eyes. He didn't want to die. He wanted so much to be alive and well, tramping through the Shire with his friends, sitting in an inn drinking and eating. More than anything he wanted to sit down and have a laugh with Frodo or even good Samwise Gamgee. And Pippin. Oh, yes, dear old Pip, who had before looked at him with such tenderness that only a true friend could give. He wanted that. He wanted Pippin to soothe his worries and his tears and tell him what he had wanted to say before he choked up and gave way to silence. Merry wanted to sit in the sun with his dear cousin and listen as Pippin laughed about trifle things. That melodious laugh that ran up and down one's spine, making them react with their own laughter. Yes, Pippin was his dearest friend for life. And if only he could have the chance to say that and much more. But the darkness reined over him like a swarm of flies. The world was growing black. 

And as Merry closed his eyes for what he thought was the last time, the most curious thing happened. As if his prayer had been answered, the wind slowly died down and a cool breath of fresh air blew across his face. A clean and invigorating smell entered his nostrils and lifted the heavy burden from his limbs. A shadow seemed to be lifted and Merry found that his heart was released from it's icy clutches. A sigh of relief shuddered through his body as he could feel himself floating through a colorless world. His eyes remained closed, and yet he could feel a strong presence next to him. 

Then a voice rang out from around him. It sounded to Merry like a beautiful note being sung just right. It was far away, yet strong and persistent. It called again, nearer this time, and Merry could tell that it was his name being said. 

The floating sensation ceased, and Merry felt as if he was entering his body from the outside world. He could feel himself resting on a bed with someone's hand on his brow. 

"Meriadoc. Merry." The voice said clearly and calmly, as if it could wait forever. Yet, it didn't have to wait much longer. Merry stirred slightly and opened his eyes slowly. Around him stood a handful of people, and yet Merry's eyes rested solely on one figure near the foot of the bed. 

Pippin had been standing still as a statue, his chin quivering ever so slightly as Aragorn had called Merry's name again and again. Hope was diminishing and his spirit seemed crushed in two. His entire frame had shrunk down to at least five inches shorter than his normal height, and his head was slightly tilted to the side as his eyes brimmed with tears. Then as Merry's eyes had suddenly opened and his soft gaze was on his own, Pippin's heart swelled to the size of a pumpkin, he was sure, and he cried out in joy. 

This was what Merry had been waiting for. He opened his mouth to speak then cleared his dry throat before he began again. "I'm hungry." He said to the room, smirking ever so slightly at their amazement. "What time is it?" 

On that note, Pippin threw his head back and laughed as tears of joy ran down his cheeks. The hobbit's laughter rang through the room amidst the relieved sighs and clapping of the others in the room. Merry took in a breath of clean air and smiled quietly to himself, watching as Pippin's gay eyes once again locked with his. 

Yes. This is what Merry had been wishing for all along.


End file.
